Category: Personal Growth

Charlie Chaplin once said, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

When was the last time you had one of those awesome laughing fits where your stomach hurt afterwards? I can seriously only think of one time in the last year, and it was with friends at an outdoor meal, laughing over something so silly I’d be embarrassed to mention it here.

According to Dr. Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas, authors of Humor, Seriously, we could all use more levity in our lives, and it doesn’t have to be limited to our personal relationships.

Laughter releases the connection-creating hormone oxytocin (the hormone that helps with creating connection), and decreases the stress and flight hormones cortisol (the stress hormone linked to anxiety) and epinephrine (our flight hormone) by 39% and 70% respectively.

Curious about how to include more humor into your day? Start by discovering your humor style.–magnet, sniper, stand-up or sweetheart. Take this scientifically- based quiz to find out yours!

Turns out I’m a sweetheart 🙂 Which means I prefer to plan out my humor in advance versus make it up on the fly. I can get behind a good-natured prank, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, and I . I prefer my humor to fly under the radar, not needing the spotlight.

Here’s to not wasting another day and, as the author Naomi says, “Living your life on the precipice of a smile!”

If you take the humor quiz, let me know which humor style you are!

In levity,

Bijal

P.S. Giveaway alert! Order a copy of Humor Seriously then fill out this form and Jennifer and Naomi will give you the Humor Seriously Bootcamp, a 21-day coaching experience via audio and text-based prompts on your phone, at 50% off. Let me know if you sign up for the bootcamp – we can test out our humor on each other!

The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

bijal@huworkteam.com

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Last week started off with a recognition of Martin Luther King Jr – so it’s no surprise that I’ve seen a theme of diversity and inclusion showing up in several unrelated meetings. In addition to two webinars on this topic (one with executives from major companies like Texaco), I just recorded a roundtable with Human Potential Institute on diversity and bias as it relates to the coaching industry.

A few actionable takeaways on this important topic of bias:

1)        Be “anti-fragile” when exploring your own biases towards groups of people. Don’t take it personally. You are not a bad person if you admit you are biased! We are all on a path to decrease our biases and take actions to counter them. And if you are not “there” yet admitting that you are prejudiced, try substituting the words “attitude” or “belief” instead of bias. This gentler approach may decrease your mind’s defensiveness.

2)       Have more conversations with people different from you, and focus on having a dialogue vs a debate. Aim for deeper inquiry and understanding.

3)        Don’t be silent. Now is not the time for leaders to take a back seat. Be bold and take a stand on this topic. Be a model for your teams.

I’m hopeful progress will be made in our society when it comes to bias. But we must be the ones to take action, big and small, to bring about the change.

I’ll end with a couple of resources related to diversity and bias:

• Me: Know that I’m here to explore this in 1:1 conversations with you, or am happy to form a group so we can learn and explore together

• Assessment: https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html

• Books: Just Mercy, White Fragility, Born a Crime, Men We Reaped

With support, 

Bijal

The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

bijal@huworkteam.com

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Humans are WIRED to pay attention to what is new and potentially EXCITING or THREATENING. But with today’s endless distractions in the form of social media and notifications on all of our electronic devices, this instinct will prevent us from focusing on our PRIORITIES. And it will stress us out.

Imagine taking a caveman from his relatively quiet natural surroundings and transporting him to the middle of a superhighway with thousands of cars. Our nervous systems and psychology have not yet evolved to deal with this constant bombardment of stimuli. This instinct is referred to in Week 11 of my Daily Planner for Modern Humans is “Distract Away!”

And sometimes we distract ourselves to AVOID something we need to attend to. Staying busy so we don’t have to deal with sadness, or disappointment, or fear. I completely get it…and am not immune to it either so I deeply empathize. But if you are ready to move the needle on your goals, I invite you to ask yourself, “What am I avoiding by letting myself get distracted…yet again?”

The answer may not be what you WANT to hear, but maybe the exact thing you NEED to address in your life. What unwanted mental and energetic load is this adding to your life? What will be released if it is addressed?  

With support, 

Bijal

PS Adam Grant’s take on procrastination is that “we’re not avoiding work—we’re avoiding negative emotions that certain tasks stir up, like the fear of failing, the frustration of being stuck, or the boredom of repetition.” Read more here.

The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

bijal@huworkteam.com

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Is it just me, or is it already a long year?

Not everyone views January as a time of new beginnings (for one of my business partners, September is her January when the kids go back to school), and sadly we’re not off to a good start in 2021 as a nation…  

But research by the psychologist Katie Milkman shows that January generally is the best time of year for fresh starts. If you have big, audacious goals, habits, or changes you want to make in 2021, or are just looking for some structure to start the new year, check out my planner, A Daily Planner for Modern Humans. Especially now with the political and societal chaos going on, not to mention the mental and physical toll of the pandemic, some order and structure in one’s life can be a welcome relief.

For me personally, January is a great month to hit the reset button. Sometimes with heavy stuff like my part in societal change, but also just everyday little tweaks to make incremental improvements in the quality of life like taking a super-slow meditative breath every time I am at a traffic light.

This is also a month to re-establish rituals. A fun exercise (to me anyway) that I do yearly is to come up with some themes for the year.  These themes inform my choices for the year and help direct where I spend my time:

·       Overall theme: Loving detachment

·       Color: plum

·       Flavor: basil

·       Scent: ylang ylang

·       List of “21 things in 2021”: the things I want to include or do this year, encompassing all parts of life, such as career (obtain another coaching certification), health (be able to a pullup), fun (play tennis 52 times), community (become a pen pal to a lonely nursing home resident), spirit (say a little phrase of gratitude before every meal, even if just inside my head), etc. You get the idea.

Would love to hear of any new year’s rituals you are engaging in this year.

 

Be safe,

Bijal

The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

bijal@huworkteam.com

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This year has had lots of up and downs, with more than a handful of challenges. As we close out this year, I’m choosing to look at these challenges as OPPORTUNITIES to grow instead of SNAFUS. The formula I personally use to integrate growth after challenges looks like this: Challenge + Reflection = Progress. (Yes, I’m a bit of a nerd so I do love formulas. But formulas allow us to get to point B faster, rather than reinventing the wheel each time we encounter a similar situation. At least that’s my justification!)

Maybe I’m a slow learner, as I’m sure this year was not the first time I could have learned these lessons! But in any case, here are the 20 lessons I learned in 2020:

1. We cannot really control anything, but we can INFLUENCE more than we think. This includes our health, business, relationships, and more.

2. In tough times, we can lean into our STRENGTHS, even more, to help ourselves feel effective.

3. Even when things aren’t going well, HOPE is the necessary ingredient we need to keep going.

4. We can live our VALUES regardless of the chaos going on around us. We don’t need society, our employer, or our family to recognize or acknowledge it either, but it sure feels good when they do.

5. When we practice LOVING DETACHMENT, it does not mean we do not care for people anymore. It means not letting others’ behavior determine our feelings or actions.

6. Where we put our ATTENTION makes all the difference in our outlook. Are we focusing on what’s good and right?

7. We can choose the part of our IDENTITY that will serve us given our current circumstances. Just like a diamond cannot show all its sides at the same time, we can purposefully choose the side of ourselves to amplify in any given situation.

8. HABITS really do matter. Taking the time to build supportive, healthy habits before the “fit hits the shan” is helpful.

9. When the world around us is chaotic, a regular ROUTINE (one for weekdays and one for weekends) can offer a sense is reassurance that something in our life is reliable.

10. Treat ourselves as we would a good friend. Cut ourselves some slack. We often offer our friends greater COMPASSION than we do ourselves.

11. Don’t wait until disaster hits to have a group of trusted health ADVISORS. Taking stock of who is on our health advisory board, such as a conventional doctor who has baseline blood test results and knows you are not a hypochondriac, a functional doctor, trusted sources of reliable information, and people you can reach out to when you have a question.

12. Build an EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SYSTEM before we really need it. Find those meditations that can be our go-to when we get sad or frustrated, book our therapist or coaching session a month or two out when you know it will a tough season, queue up funny movies on Netflix, ask friends to check in on us, and plan something to look forward to 3-6 months out.

13. We cannot be “on” all the time. Something has to give, and usually, it’s our mental state or physical health. We need to build in downtime, scheduling it on our calendar if we have to. It’s not optional- some downtime is needed to RECHARGE.

14. Look back and REFRAME events so our narrative is supportive. Saying something to ourselves like, “Wow, that was a really tough event but I got through it” vs. complaining about it.

15. Being of SERVICE to others gets us out of our own heads. “Helpers high” is a real thing.

16. It’s critical to stay in CONNECTION with others. People with whom we can be 100% ourselves. People we can confide in. And people we will provide support to when needed.

17. Life is always UNCERTAIN. When have there ever been any guarantees??? That’s why the phrase, “in these uncertain times”, makes me want to scream!

18. We can do something every day to improve our HEALTH. Stop lying to ourselves and saying that we don’t have time to exercise or eat healthy. My dad used to say that the 3 pillars of enjoying life are health, wealth (not excessive, just enough to do what brings us joy), and time. So true.

19. NURTURE and LOVE our family members, both our nuclear and extended DNA-sharing family, and our chosen friends and loved ones who are also now family. This means making time for them, seeing them for who they really are, and enjoying them.

20. Taking time to APPRECIATE what is steady in life. For me, it is my husband, my community, my family, the beauty of Colorado, and much more.

Would love to hear your stories and lessons learned from 2020. REALLY! Call, text, or email me. Connecting with stories and shared emotions is so powerful.

Lastly, wanted to let you know I published a 3-month PLANNER on Amazon, called “A Daily Planner for Modern Humans (with Prehistoric Brains)”. It’s been a labor of love this last quarter. If you are looking for some structure to add to your daily, monthly, and yearly planning, along with tips on how to work with our prehistoric brains, I hope you will check it out!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Warmly,

Bijal

The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

bijal@huworkteam.com

Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

How do you start your day? I am a firm believer that starting your day off on the right foot will lead to a better day overall. Do you find yourself in reactive mode as soon as your alarm goes off? Responding to texts, scanning emails for emergencies, sometimes before you’ve even brushed your teeth? How about instead planning a deliberate morning ritual that will keep you strategic, grounded, and in charge?

From a practical matter, it’s so easy to go into the mode of responding to everyone else’s needs, but not your own. If you don’t look out for yourself, who will? Certainly not the people looking for a response from you, wanting your money, or demanding your time.

If you had a clean slate for the first 30 minutes of your day, what would set you up for SUCCESS? Get you in the right MINDSET? Some exercise? Scanning your calendar and being intentional about how you want to feel for each major activity? Thinking about your vision for the year? Reviewing your major goals and assessing progress?

I want you to remember that at the moment, you will not want to take the time for these higher-level activities. You will be drawn to respond to the “urgent” emails, review social media, or whatever tasks are currently in your morning routine.

Your goal is to MAKE THE UNFAMILIAR MORE FAMILIAR. If you decide you want to exercise first thing in the morning, sure you may have to force yourself for the first couple of weeks. But slowly, being active first thing in the morning will be what’s familiar. Then not exercising will be the anomaly.

So I invite you as we near the end of the year, to really think about how you want to spend your mornings for this season of your life. Don’t put off starting your ideal morning routine for another year. I’m here if you want to chat about it via email or phone.

If we don’t connect before 2021, have a healthy, safe, warm, and easeful rest of the year.

Warmly,

Bijal

The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

bijal@huworkteam.com

Let’s chat! Schedule a brainstorming session with me here

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Four more weeks in 2020! In some ways, I wish I could hop in a time machine to 2022, but I’m also trying to remain grateful for all the blessings in my life and not rush life by. One part of humans that is both a blessing and a curse in my humble opinion is our INSTINCTS.  

Even though we live in modern society, we still have prehistoric brains that respond with instincts before logic. This is because our instincts work faster – way faster – than the thinking parts of our brains.

What exactly is an instinct? An instinct is an inherited tendency to make a specific response without thinking, usually to protect us physically. Just like lightning flashes before we hear thunder, instincts fire before rational thought.  

Translating this to practical terms – we cannot out-think our instincts, because instincts don’t originate in the thinking part of our brains. Kind of a relief, if you ask me, because then I don’t have to beat myself up when I realize a part of me wants to run away from difficult emotional situations. Every. Single. Time.

How do we resolve this dilemma, so our outdated instincts don’t trip us up? The first step is to accept that our minds filter the world through this lens of survival and protection. The second step is to tame our instincts because we’ll never fully eliminate them.

Below I highlight three prehistoric instincts that are still alive in us today and an idea to tame each one if it is no longer serving you:

Instinct #1: “I cannot survive alone!” Humans evolved in tribes and still feel safer in a group when threatened. Perhaps this is one reason why social isolation as a result of the pandemic is so difficult on an emotional level. Tame it: Build a habit of staying in touch with your extended family, friends, community. Each day, connect with at least one person in your “tribe”.

Instinct #2: “There is not enough!” Humans evolved in a time of scarce resources. This results in a tendency towards a scarcity mindset when stressed. We’ve all read about instances at work when people act unethically to get ahead. When someone is deeply in the scarcity mindset and feeling like there’s not enough money, praise, resources to go around, instinct can take over and rational behavior can go out the window. Tame it: When you catch yourself feeling unsatisfied with what you have, don’t go on autopilot. Stop complaining and refer back to your “why” (if you are familiar with Simon Sinek’s work) or your values. Focus on how you are living your truest values instead of maintaining a scarcity mindset.

Instinct #3: “React now!” The primitive brain prioritizes dealing with the immediate situation, not long-term growth and learning. Can you see this tendency in people who focus on transactional day-to-day tasks, but ignore longer-term planning? Or perhaps in yourself at times when you are dealing with urgent but not really important tasks? Tame it: At the end of each week, take some time to reflect. Look for patterns and plan for the upcoming week—not just tasks but also how you want to feel, how you want to spend your time, what will bring meaning to you in the upcoming week. 

To read about 3 additional instincts, click here.        

I do hope that reading about these instincts increases your self-compassion if you have been beating yourself up (as I am prone to do) about certain recurring behaviors. Knowing that instincts and biology play a part doesn’t let you off the hook, but may take some shame out of it and allow you to plan around the instinct that is firing and hijacking interactions and more thoughtful responses.

Take good care,

Bijal

December 2020 offer: Last chance to sign up for coaching at my 2020 rates, as I will be raising my rates in January. If you would like to lock in the current rate but do not need coaching this month, you can purchase a 6 or 12 session coaching package at $150/session and use it at any time in 2021.

The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

bijal@huworkteam.com

Let’s chat! Schedule a brainstorming session with me here

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