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Do you ever wonder when something (a name, an author, a situation) SHOWS UP REPEATEDLY in your life, if there’s a MESSAGE you need to hear? Completely coincidentally, my business partners and I realized on a call this week that we are all reading or listening to books by the author Ann Patchett: The Dutch House, State of Wonder, and Truth & Beauty. What are the CHANCES of that?

There’s another book by Ann that I think about monthly if not weekly since reading it years ago in a book club: Bel Canto. The main takeaway for me from this book: HOW ONE’S ROLE AND EVEN PERSONALITY CAN SHIFT DEPENDING ON THE SITUATION. 

Background: There is a powerful businessman in the book, who is well respected and used to having authority. However, during a hostage situation, it is not him who takes charge or was really in the center of the situation. Another hostage, someone not so powerful in regular society, steps up and plays an integral role.  

What about YOU? Where in your life do you STEP IT UP? And where do you shift your personality, even your energy? Is that SERVING you? Where you are COMPARTMENTALIZING? Is that SERVING you? 

What are the CIRCUMSTANCES when your BEST SELF emerges, and what are the situations where the opposite happens? 

What is your VISION for how you want to show up in life?

These are heavy questions, with no “one and done” answer. But exploring them will provide INSIGHT. Which in turn will naturally lead to exploring, “What would be BETTER?”  

There is power in understanding and having CLARITY about yourself.  

And you don’t have to go it alone figuring it all out. It can be easier to explore in conversation and when you have time slotted for it on your schedule. If you haven’t already done so, take advantage of my free office hours being offered to support my community. Wednesdays 10-11am MT. Sign uprequired. Or email me to set up a 20-minutes exploratory 1:1 call.

It’s not too late to win 2020.  

Regardless of what is going on in the world outside of your control, you can INFLUENCE how you SHOW UP, and how you treat others. And that’s no small accomplishment. 

Warmly,

Bijal

Difficult situations show up no matter who you are. It doesn’t matter if you are at the top of your field, leading a team, or starting an exciting project. Inevitably, you WILL FACE A TOUGH SITUATION. Let’s be honest, not one but MANY tough situations.

Are you prepared? Or will you flail like my puppy Enzo did when he jumped in a pool, while attempting to get to safer ground?

Just like it’s not a good idea to wait until a medical emergency to find a trusted physician, don’t wait until hard situations are upon you to come up with your general FRAMEWORK for dealing with a sucky situation (my technical term).

I offer up this framework from Ryan Holiday, an author whose books I’ve been reading during an exploration into stoicism (which turns out has nothing to do with having a stoic, unfeeling personality luckily.) Ryan’s approach to a difficult situation: 

1)    MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS: be REALISTIC. Don’t get carried away with how you think things SHOULD be. And let go of the “perfect” outcome. Have FAITH that what will happen will be in service of your growth.

2)    ELIMINATE FEAR: shore up your COURAGE; don’t slither away like a garden snake. You’ve dealt with hard problems in the past and you’ll get through this too. YOU’VE GOT THIS!

3)    REMOVE PREJUDICE: this is so relevant to current societal discussions – broad prejudice, but one can also hold prejudice against specific situations, people, & interactions. TAKE TIME TO IDENTIFY YOUR PREJUDICE AND ACTIVELY REMOVE IT FOR THE SITUATION. 

And one step I would add to Ryan’s:

4)    UPGRADE YOUR MINDSET: Think positively about the people involved in your situation. Wish them well. What can you appreciate about them, no matter how small? I just read a study showing the positive impact on a people’s sense of well-being when they mentally wish others well. And ultimately, IF YOU ARE IN A BETTER MENTAL STATE, YOU’LL BE ABLE TO APPROACH THE SITUATION WITH THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. 

Of course, knowing a framework is one thing, but remembering it IN THE MOMENT, when you are triggered & stressed about a situation is the hard part. If it resonates, I encourage you to copy and paste this framework wherever you keep your notes. Modify it to meet your needs. Then when you have an awareness that an upcoming situation may be tough, you can easily refer back to it. This framework has done wonders to press the brakes on my unhelpful anticipatory thoughts that get in the way of my relationships, projects, and forward progress. 

Try it out and let me know how it goes.

Warmly,

Bijal

ANNOUNCEMENTS: Check out HuWork’s first online course “Lean into Strengths”. This 5-week course will walk you through how to find your edge, your comparative advantage relative to other people. What makes you really stand out and how will you use that to your benefit? The introductory price is $49 through September.  

For those that ordered the InnerBalance biofeedback tool, they are back in stock! Email me to set up a time to get trained.

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” – Brené Brown

I lost my father one year ago yesterday. There have been a lot of tough days since then, but a silver lining has been learning firsthand the beautiful ceremonies the Indian culture has when someone passes, including singing, speeches, and monthly family get togethers for the first year. 

Last night, we held a large extended friends and family zoom (61 participants!), where I said a few words. It was a tribute to my father about his best qualities and how they might serve as life lessons for all of us. (I can see my kids rolling their eyes, moaning “why does everything have to be a life lesson?”.) I spoke about my dad’s ability to accept people as they are, his courage, his ability to see the positive in situations, and his endless reservoir of love. 

Isn’t it curious that we write and say beautiful words about loved ones, after they are gone. But what about those we love WHO ARE STILL HERE? What if we took time to write out a tribute to the person still in front of us? And then say it to them. (Brené Brown, I’m feeling vulnerable…)  

I’ll channel my dad’s courage and share the tribute I wrote this morning for my mom: 

“Mom, you have this beautiful ability to weather the storms of your life. You have taught me to accept life as it is. To find joy in small things every day, to take time to rest when we need it, to take care of our loved ones when they need it, to find a cause and support it with time and money. And your imitation of people’s voices and mannerisms is unexpected and hilarious.” 

Now YOUR TURN. 

· Step 1: Write a short note getting to the core strengths, values, qualities of someone close to you. 

· Step 2: Add a calendar item on your schedule for when you will say it to your person. 

· Step 3: Just do it!

And even if I don’t know your person, I’d love to read your note and share your beautiful words. Email or text me. Know that I debated whether to share such a tender moment from my life in this email, but the vulnerable stories many of you have shared in response to my previous emails pushed me to be vulnerable myself. Brené Brown, I hope you are proud.

Warmly,

Bijal

ANNOUNCEMENTS: We are happy to announce that HuWork has launched its first online course “Lean into Strengths”. This 5-week course will walk you through how to find your edge, i.e., your comparative advantage relative to other people. What makes you really stand out and how will you use that to your benefit? ENROLLMENT IS FREE UNTIL 9pm MT tonight. If someone you know might benefit from this course, you can forward this email so they can take advantage of the offer. After a workshop on strengths this Thursday, the official introductory price will be $49 through September.  

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson

Do you find yourself holding back? At work, in conversations, in relationships? Do you feel you are “TOO MUCH” at times? Too strong, too opinionated, too motivated, too (fill in the blank)? Sometimes we are afraid of SUCCESS on some level – will my friends think I’m pompous, what will my family think, will I continue to fit in with my friend group and work peers, what will happen if I rock the boat at work, will my boss feel threatened, and on and on. 

What will it take for you to STEP into your true being and your GREATNESS?  

I want to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone AT LEAST ONCE A DAY and stop living on autopilot. Share your gifts with the world. How?

1) GET CLARITY: Don’t get too comfortable. What’s it going to take to get clearer on your vision? Sometimes we have a vision, but we haven’t allowed it space. We get too distracted by the tedious activities of the day, like responding to others’ needs, emails, checking off the to-do list. Without sugar-coating it, we allow ourselves to stay BUSY and fool ourselves that we are moving towards our vision.

2) FIND YOUR WHY: Tap into intrinsic values. Why is it important for you to fulfill your vision at this point in your career and life? 

3) GET MOTIVATED: Some individuals find they are more motivated by moving away from pain – that can be a great motivator especially in the short-term. But moving towards a positive goal will lead to more joy. While the human brain is wired to move away from threats, we have the ability to intentionally flip that tendency and move towards a positive outcome. 

4) GET OUT OF THE WAY: Be honest with yourself for a moment: do you have one foot on the brake? What will it take to go full throttle towards your vision? What do you need to remove from your life, and what do you need to add? What small, hard choices and actions outside of your comfort zone do you need to make to support your vision?

5) WHAT SUPPORT DO YOU NEED? It doesn’t mean more if you do it alone. It just means more stress, more hardship. Who will be your accountability partners, mentors, supporters? 

Remember, YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE. But no one steps into their greatness alone. Know that I am here to support you. If you want to brainstorm an aspect of your career or how you show up in life, find a 20-minute block with me here.

During this time of social distancing and WFH, more clients than ever are struggling with MOTIVATION. Most of them have identified goals, like losing 15 pounds or taking on a bigger role at work. But they are struggling to take ACTION.

Does this resonate at all? If you are honest with yourself, are you doing the HARD WORK needed to make your goals a REALITY, or are you hoping for a stroke of luck, or for someone to notice that you are the right person for the role, promotion, client? Or that you will miraculously lose those 15 pounds? 

You can let life happen to you, or you can take ACTION to get the outcomes you want.

Sometimes, you may view taking an ACTION as too risky. Other times as seeming too pushy. Or maybe you are just feeling overwhelmed. And I’ve been there too – feeling overwhelmed, or that I didn’t have just the perfect set of skills. The voice in my head telling me, “Who am I to say something, do something, take a chance?” Or you may think, “things aren’t so bad the way they are.” But sometimes the STATUS QUO CAN SUCK YOUR LIFE FORCE, slowly but surely.  

That’s why I’m here to remind you to take ACTION, if you are serious about achieving a goal.  

Or maybe you already are taking actions to get from point A to point B. Then it’s time to ask yourself: WHAT MORE COULD I BE DOING? You know, that action that gives you butterflies in your stomach. That step that you don’t really let yourself think about because it feels too big, too scary. 

ISN’T IT TIME YOU REALLY WENT FOR IT? Made that call, talked with your boss, took that course, approached that person, interviewed for the dream role? Push yourself past your comfort zone, even if just slightly. DO MORE, AND YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH MORE.

 If you need support in really going for it, know that I provide all my coaching clients a safe space to discuss goals, actions, support needed, accountability. To start living their life COURAGEOUSLY. I have their backs, and I can for you too. Schedule your 20-minute intro call here.

I’ll leave you with this quote: “We must learn to explore all the options and possibilities that confront us in a complex and rapidly changing world. We must learn to welcome and not to fear the voices of dissent. We must dare to think about unthinkable things because when things become unthinkable, thinking stops and action becomes mindless.” — J. William Fulbright

Generally speaking, by default humans get caught in the trap of CONFIRMATION BIAS. That is, seeing people’s actions, having experiences, viewing social media posts (you know what I’m talkin’ about!) that all point in one direction, affirming our worldview. It’s like our eyes have special lenses that filter out that which does not fit with our opinion of a person, a situation, work, or any other topic.

Sure there’s some EGO-CENTERED COMFORT in affirming our opinion (“Ha! I’m right! I knew it!), but it limits us from experiencing the full range of what is REALLY happening in the world around us.

I had a person tell me a couple of years ago, “You know, the first time I saw you, I wasn’t even sure you spoke English.” He wasn’t joking. Maybe in his worldview, a person with brown skin is likely a recent immigrant who probably does not speak English? Wow! And never mind the fact that later I found out that his late father’s doctor was of Indian descent and had numerous interactions with his son IN ENGLISH.

When you find yourself SO SURE about your worldview, I invite you to ask yourself “WHAT IF THAT WASN’T TRUE?”. And work on decreasing your confirmation bias. You might be surprised by what you find out. 

Take good care,

Here’s a Zen story about two celibate monks who were on a journey. One morning they came to a stream that was quite deep. There was a woman on the bank who clearly wanted to cross, but couldn’t. The older monk lifted her, walked across the stream, and put her down on the other side. The monks then continued on their way.

 That evening the younger monk was still ruminating about what happened, and eventually exclaimed with much emotion, “The rules of our religion forbid us to touch women. How could you have done that?”

 To which the older monk replied, “My son, I picked her up and set her down this morning. You have been carrying her ALL DAY.”

Just like the younger monk, do you carry around strong, unhelpful emotions long after the event is over? Humans are unique in the animal kingdom for our obsession with the past and our fear for the future. Alas, our bodies do not know the difference between our mind’s ruminations and actual events. Both will WRECK your nervous system, chronically raise stress hormones to UNHEALTHY levels, and move you away farther away from happiness and fulfillment.

The ANTIDOTE? TRAIN your brain to stay PRESENT in the moment…yes, THIS moment….and now THIS moment. And now here we are at THIS new moment. Just now, here, moment to moment awareness. Not constantly focusing on the past or the future, for which we have no control. Staying present and being MINDFUL stops the hamster wheel. It’s a pretty simple concept, but NOT EASY in practice.

InnerBalance is a wearable tool that trains your brain to be present. Just weeks of short practice starts improving your neural pathways. It is a low cost, low time investment way to train your brain. One of the reasons it’s so effective is that it tracks your heart rate variability, and you can see how you are doing on an app. This allows you to make real-time adjustments to train your brain.

I wore the InnerBalance tool while driving many years ago, and realized I was always “in the red”, aka stressed about getting to where I needed to be, whether someone would cut me off, just generally being vigilant and on edge when driving. But with the help of the tool, I trained myself to not be. It’s powerful stuff.

And for the month of August, I’m offering the InnerBalance tool AND a 45-minute virtual instructional session with me for $199. (The InnerBalance alone is $169.) Just email me if interested.

Are you showing up in life as your BEST SELF? Do you feel STRESSED before meetings or during interactions with certain people? Are you completely spent by Friday? Do you feel like you need to FORCE yourself through your day? Are you struggling to manage a SAD life event? Are you looking for an approachable tool that can UPGRADE your life pretty quickly?

InnerBalance from HeartMath is my chosen LIFE-MANAGEMENT TOOL, after testing many options, for BUSY professionals who want to flow more easily and effectively through life. I’ve also found it powerful before stressful situations. Just 5 minutes will broaden your perspective, lower your heartrate, and allow ideas and connections to flow. Seems MAGICAL right?

Some of you know I lost my dad last year. And that I have sleep issues. HeartMath was the SINGLE most important TOOL I leaned on during my dad’s painful fight with cancer to help me cope better and sleep better (shockingly), all while being fully PRESENT through the full range of emotions one has during this type of life event. No denial or escape or trying to neutralize the negative emotions. During the short HeartMath sessions, I would INTENTIONALLY generate POSITIVE EMOTIONS, like GRATITUDE for having time with my dad before things got really bad, LOVE for my extended family who rallied together for support, and JOY against all odds during that time seeing childhood friends on my many visits home for ceremonies after he passed. 

I recently had a chat with the Lead Trainer of HeartMath South Africa. When I asked him what makes this tool so powerful, he said HeartMath’s power centers on its ability to bring people to a “coherent” state. HeartMath describes coherence as “the state when the heart, mind, and emotions are in energetic alignment and cooperation.” I would describe HeartMath to be a SHORTCUT to the intersection of your BEST SELF and your BEST ABILITIES. Being in coherence literally INCREASES BLOOD FLOW to the parts of the brain that lead to higher level thinking, BALANCES the nervous system, and increases resiliency. 

The picture shows heart rhythms during negative emotions vs. positive emotions. Negative emotions like frustration, stress, anger, and impatience put you out of sync => choppy waves. In contrast, positive emotions like love, gratitude, and appreciation create harmony in heart rhythms and the nervous system => smooth waves aka coherence.

It’s so POWERFUL being able to see your waves with the InnerBalance tool and the associated app. It’s like having X-RAY eyes into what is happening in your body and brain. I’m offering a SPECIAL to you, my email tribe for the month of August only: get the InnerBalance tool and a 45-minute virtual instructional session with me where I teach you the exact technique I use daily to shift from incoherent waves to coherence and synchronicity for only $199. (The InnerBalance tool alone is $169.) Just reply to this email if you are ready to try it out. Money back guarantee. That’s how much I believe in it.

With practice using HeartMath, you too can experience better sleep, feel more peaceful and calm, and improve how you show up in life. Because if you want different, you must do different.

The #1 reason people are unhappy is loneliness. But there’s a sea of difference between LONELINESS and purposeful SOLITUDE. Loneliness can feel like it’s happening to us like we don’t have any agency around it. But with solitude, there’s a sense of choice, a finite beginning and end, and a sense of freedom with what to do with our time alone.

Of course, we all feel lonely sometimes. But if you often feel lonely, please use it as a SIGN to make a change. Reach out to others, volunteer, plan a get-together.

But sometimes, it’s our ATTITUDE towards time alone that needs reframing. Can you view the time alone as positive? Do things that bring you joy, energize you? Use the time to reflect and grow? Upgrade habits and routines? Learn more about a topic of interest? The list is endless.

Not sure where I picked up this quote, but I find myself remembering that “at the end of the day, there you are.” Be well.

Take good care,

Bijal