Huwork

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  • Manage your sticky situations

    Business management pioneer Peter Drucker’s philosophy was “before you can manage anyone else, you have to manage yourself first.” I come across this so often in leadership coaching sessions, that I refer to it as a person’s “sticky situations.” Sticky situations are ones where you are not showing up as your best self, ones where you feel stuck, and ones that unfortunately repeat themselves. 

    Some sticky situations I have heard from Clients recently include: getting stuck when pitching an idea to senior leadership, not stepping up to make a decision when the boss isn’t in the room, and keeping emotions in check when being asked hard questions about the team’s performance.  

    These sticky situations hold my Clients back from being the leader, team member, and human they have the potential to be. Here’s one process I utilize in Client sessions to get to the other side of these sticky situations:

    1. Identify your most prominent sticky situation 

    2. Identify the opposite situation, where you are “flowing” and able to show up as your best self

    3. Understand the parameters that allow you be your best self

    4.  Recreate those parameters for your sticky situations

    For example, if a sticky situation for you is pitching an idea to senior leadership, think of times when you are able to pitch your idea with full confidence and charisma. For one client, he realized he was able to show up as his best self when he had a prior relationship with the people in the room. He began to reach out to people who were going to be in the meeting ahead of time. A virtual coffee, asking a question on Slack, looking them up on LinkedIn to see if they had common interests or backgrounds. This eased my Client’s tension and freeze response once the meeting came around.

    Learning how to manage your “sticky situations” can have ripple effects, allowing you to be your best self both professionally and personally.

    Warmly, 

    Bijal

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

  • Inspiring Others

    in·spi·ra·tion /ˌinspəˈrāSH(ə)n/:  the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something.

    Some days are easier than others to find your own inspiration. If you are in charge of inspiring others to action, it can feel that much more overwhelming. I recently gave a guest lecture at Wharton on the topic of how to inspire employees. 

    Here are my three key takeaways:

    1. CONNECT: find ways to meaningfully connect with your team members one-on-one. Ideally, at least 15 minutes weekly.

    2. ASK: don’t assume to know what motivates and what gets in the way for someone else. Ask each person. Perhaps in the weekly one-on-one mentioned above.

    3. ELEVATE: you can teach skills and knowledge, but you can’t teach a strength. A strength is an activity that you look forward to, feel energized by, and feel proud about afterwards. Focus on each person’s strengths, and you crowd out their weaknesses and elevate their work experience.

    And once you do the above, do it again! As Aristotle said, “Excellence is not just one act but what you repeatedly do.” 

    Warmly, 

    Bijal

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

  • Soph-what?

    My older son is a sophomore in high school, but I had never heard of the term sophrology until recently. The word sophrology comes from the Greek words sos (harmonious and serene), phren (consciousness), and logos (the science of or to study). Essentially, sophrology is the science of consciousness in harmony. In practical terms, sophrology includes some mental and physical exercises, like a guided visualization meditation and gentle movement. 

    Even before the pandemic, 83% of Americans stressed over at least one work-related issue. That equates to 8 out of 10 of your coworkers stressing about work! Layer on the pandemic, and it’s no wonder people are experiencing mental health strains. 

    Below is a 2-3 minute visualization exercise that can change your state of mind dramatically. If you want someone to guide you through a meditation, I teach a free 25-minute guided meditation on the first Wednesday of every month that includes a similar visualization. Sign up here.

    Visualizing Happiness Exercise: 

    1. Close your eyes and think of a place, real or imagined, that brings you happiness.

    2. Visualize the sounds, smells, look, and feel of this place.

    3. Inhale and imagine breathing in calm waves of serenity.

    4. Exhale and allow the good feelings to wash over your body.

    Scheduling in sophrology-type practices can mitigate a stress response, attain the calm needed to respond skillfully to others, and help prevent burnout. BUT you must PLAN to do it. It is experiential, so you must participate in the practices, not just read about them! I suggest putting a recurring appointment on your calendar right now to “RECHARGE”. You won’t be sorry.

    Warmly, 

    Bijal

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

  • Cultivate your habit garden

    Even with over a foot of snow this week in Denver, I have SPRING on the mind. Thoughts of spring cleaning and renewal are bubbling to the surface. Spring is a time of rebirth, not only for all the plant life around us, but for our thought processes, systems, and habits. It’s the perfect time of year to clear out anything that isn’t working for us and bring in something new.

    When it comes to HABITS, there are two flavors: 

    • NEGATIVE habit: something you want to STOP doing

    • POSITIVE habit: something you want to START doing

    An image I’ve found helpful for habits is that of a garden in the spring. Old negative habits are the weeds you need to remove to allow the new growth to take hold. Smoking, nail biting, overindulging, too much social media, really any behavior you want to decrease or eliminate can all be thought of as weeds that need to be pulled regularly. 

    New positive habits can be thought of as seeds to be planted. Once the seed is in the soil, it needs to be tended to and nourished until it is established and blossoms. Chewing gum over reaching for a cigarette, filing and painting your nails regularly to keep from chewing on them, and setting screen time limits can all be thought of as new seeds to be planted.

    It is the same with habits. First, identify and stop negative habits (pull the weeds). Next, set an intention for a positive habit (plant the seed). Finally, nurture and track the habit until it is established as part of your routine. 

    Culling the negative habits and planting new habits will lead to a beautiful spring habit garden.

    Warmly, 

    Bijal

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

  • Overcome weakness with the 3 D’s

    Our culture emphasizes perfection, but everyone has WEAKNESSES. I define weakness as any activity that is draining (e.g., back-to-back zoom calls for some people) or where you don’t feel strong (e.g., networking or public speaking for some people).

    Some of my many weaknesses include: getting distracted by the shiny new project or idea, focusing on the task more than the relationship when facing a deadline, letting go of control, completing the administrative tasks of running a business, and doing the last 10% of a project so it is fully complete.

    Here is my key message on weaknesses: think about how much TIME you are spending on your weaknesses. If it’s more than 50% of your day, then you are probably feeling incredibly drained and not super successful. This week, try incorporating the 3 D’s: 

    1. Dump it

      • Do you really need to do the task? Can you skip the meeting and get an update afterwards? 

    2. Delegate it

      • Can someone else do the task? What’s a weakness for you, may be a strength for someone else.  You may just be helping the career of someone who reports to you by allowing them to take on new tasks. 

    3. Do it differently

      • Is there another way? We all get stuck in our habitual ways of getting work done. Notably, when  shifting from a “doer” role to a leadership role, it’s hard to envision anyone doing it differently than your way.  Instead, try outsourcing, hiring more people, stacking tasks, or even using one of your strengths to get the task done with more joy and perhaps more efficiently.

    It’s okay to admit what you’re not great at – your weaknesses do NOT define who you are. Intentionally doing fewer tasks in your weakness categories can, in fact, help you. So the next time you feel your energy or motivation get zapped at the mere thought of doing a task that is a weakness of yours, try one of the 3 D’s: Dump it, delegate it, do it differently.

    Warmly, 

    Bijal

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

  • The resilient human

    I’m curious – has your week gone exactly as planned? If you said yes, then I would guess that you are not truly planning out your day or are in denial. The ability to be ready to effectively respond to life’s challenges, whether minor ones such as not having an ingredient for a meal, or more serious ones like a loved one’s illness, is referred to as one’s resilience.

    Are you easily kicked off balance by unexpected things? Do you struggle to be present in interactions, or find it challenging to keep emotions under control? If so, you could likely use a booster in resiliency skills.

    Reut Schwartz-Hebron, a former Army Lieutenant turned author and trainer, teaches people the neuroscience of resilience, which is a fancy way of saying she uses science-backed methods to show people how to build resilience. Her approach aligns with mine, in that she teaches both quick fixes when in the moment of stress, as well as the longer term habits to build a foundation of resilience.

    Some highlights include:

    • In the moment resiliency: See things as they are. Park your expectations and bring a non-judgemental sense of curiosity to the situation. Accepting things as they are without resenting that the situation isn’t different is a great first step. Simple, but not easy.

    • Long term resiliency foundation:

      • Build fungible vs. domain-specific skills: fungible skills can be applied in a variety of situations whereas domain-specific skills are not transferable easily as they specify “if x happens, do Y”. For example, when you are feeling triggered, noticing where you feel the discomfort in your body is a fungible skill.

      • Practice accepting that more than one “truth” is possible. How might “A” and “B” be possible? Can the seemingly contradicting truths co-exist? Practice seeing the full complexity of an issue, building your tolerance for uncertainty, and responding in a flexible way.

    Like a muscle, the more you practice these resiliency skills, the stronger you will get at them. Eventually, your brain will literally rewire the way it responds to life’s challenges. If you are interested in learning more, join the Neuroscience & Difficult Change group on LinkedIn that Reut and I are part of: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/13725904/

    Warmly, 

    Bijal

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

  • 11 Techniques To Overcome Impostor Syndrome At Work

  • Laughter is the best medicine

    Charlie Chaplin once said, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

    When was the last time you had one of those awesome laughing fits where your stomach hurt afterwards? I can seriously only think of one time in the last year, and it was with friends at an outdoor meal, laughing over something so silly I’d be embarrassed to mention it here.

    According to Dr. Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas, authors of Humor, Seriously, we could all use more levity in our lives, and it doesn’t have to be limited to our personal relationships.

    Laughter releases the connection-creating hormone oxytocin (the hormone that helps with creating connection), and decreases the stress and flight hormones cortisol (the stress hormone linked to anxiety) and epinephrine (our flight hormone) by 39% and 70% respectively.

    Curious about how to include more humor into your day? Start by discovering your humor style.–magnet, sniper, stand-up or sweetheart. Take this scientifically- based quiz to find out yours!

    Turns out I’m a sweetheart 🙂 Which means I prefer to plan out my humor in advance versus make it up on the fly. I can get behind a good-natured prank, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, and I . I prefer my humor to fly under the radar, not needing the spotlight.

    Here’s to not wasting another day and, as the author Naomi says, “Living your life on the precipice of a smile!”

    If you take the humor quiz, let me know which humor style you are!

    In levity,

    Bijal

    P.S. Giveaway alert! Order a copy of Humor Seriously then fill out this form and Jennifer and Naomi will give you the Humor Seriously Bootcamp, a 21-day coaching experience via audio and text-based prompts on your phone, at 50% off. Let me know if you sign up for the bootcamp – we can test out our humor on each other!

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

  • You know BFF, but do you know BIFF?

    Do you find that hostilities are on the rise? Like a pressure cooker, this pandemic has built some tension in relationships. Whether it’s with a roommate or spouse with the increased time spent together, or with your boss or a coworker who always takes a contrarian opinion.

    I’d like to suggest an alternative way to de-escalate tension that a counselor recently shared with me – B.I.F.F:

    – BRIEF: Keep it short. To do this, you may need to pause for a few seconds to collect your thoughts before responding.

    – INFORMATIVE: Use data, information and history instead of emotions or opinions, 

    • Example: “Based on history, this Client seems to value innovation and has been receptive to ideas in the past.”

    – FRIENDLY: Ramp up the empathy and stay friendly in a light way. I’ll admit this is hard for me when I feel attacked, especially when it is about a core value or a part of my identity, but what helps is naming the person with a light humorous name, such as “Contrarian Kelly” and remembering the person’s comments really have nothing to do with me at the end of the day. It is their own perception of the world and their circumstances that leads them to lash out in this way.

    • Examples: “Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.” “I’m glad we have an environment where we are not all expected to think the same.”

     – FIRM: Respectfully stop the back and forth. Find a way to end the conversation in a way that allows you to maintain your respect without completely cutting off the other person.

    • Examples: “We are not going to see eye-to-eye, but I value your friendship and am glad we have lots of other things we can connect over.” “I’d like to sit with your ideas and circle back with you after considering all the variables.”

    To bottom-line it, keep your responses to hostile conversations brief, informative, friendly, and firm. If you try this technique, drop me a note to let me know whether it helped or not.

    Warmly, 

    Bijal

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn

  • Accepting that I am biased

    Last week started off with a recognition of Martin Luther King Jr – so it’s no surprise that I’ve seen a theme of diversity and inclusion showing up in several unrelated meetings. In addition to two webinars on this topic (one with executives from major companies like Texaco), I just recorded a roundtable with Human Potential Institute on diversity and bias as it relates to the coaching industry.

    A few actionable takeaways on this important topic of bias:

    1)        Be “anti-fragile” when exploring your own biases towards groups of people. Don’t take it personally. You are not a bad person if you admit you are biased! We are all on a path to decrease our biases and take actions to counter them. And if you are not “there” yet admitting that you are prejudiced, try substituting the words “attitude” or “belief” instead of bias. This gentler approach may decrease your mind’s defensiveness.

    2)       Have more conversations with people different from you, and focus on having a dialogue vs a debate. Aim for deeper inquiry and understanding.

    3)        Don’t be silent. Now is not the time for leaders to take a back seat. Be bold and take a stand on this topic. Be a model for your teams.

    I’m hopeful progress will be made in our society when it comes to bias. But we must be the ones to take action, big and small, to bring about the change.

    I’ll end with a couple of resources related to diversity and bias:

    With support, 

    Bijal

    The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.

    Click here if you were forwarded this email and would like to sign up to receive my emails. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC

    bijal@huworkteam.com

    Follow HuWork on LinkedIn